I too am part of this chaos. I too have many unanswered questions. I too want peace within and without. I too wonder why. I too fight for my rights and for those without a voice. I too wonder "where should I begin?" Then I realize - I have already started.
Now that I know how, my only aspiration in life is to share everything I have ever learnt, with whoever will listen and get it. For me, life is not the same all the time - it can be exciting, but sometimes confusing, even scary. Sometimes for me, superwoman, life can be hard as a single mother - of four teenagers at that! Sometimes I get so tired of carrying all the responsibilities, tired of thinking ahead, tired of being in charge, tired of organizing, tired of repeating myself. Tired of questions, tired of answers, tired of being mommy, tired of being daddy, tired of being tired, tired of pretending I am okay, tired of being lonely. All of a sudden, I realize I don't have to carry all this by myself. I learnt how to bear them and share them.
You don't have to see who you share them with - just know you've got help. Asking for help is never easy - at least not for me - but when you allow yourself to receive help, you will be amazed at how much lighter you feel, how much more you can accomplish. It is these times that I realize, I am never alone - that I can surrender all my perceived responsibilities and concerns to my Creator. To the one who made me. I call him my Heavenly Father, as I already have two earthly fathers, and I know that Mother Nature is my Heavenly Mother and my earthly mother is my physical model of strength and courage. He speaks to me through the 70 children I care for daily at my Training Centre and Preschool, the four children I bore and all the men and women who have wandered in and out of my life over the past years. He speaks to me when I am tired, sad and in pain - even when I am happy or out of control. He spoke to me all the time when I was on stage. Now he speaks to me whenever I call on him - Jah, Rastafari.
Every day I pray before I face the chaos. Then I meditate with the help of words and inspiration from a trinity of books - all given to me as gifts from different guardian angels: my Daily Word booklet, the words of Iyanla Vanzant's Until Today - daily devotions for spiritual growth and peace of mind, and quotations from Neal Donald Walsch's Meditation from Conversations with God. This is how I face the day. This is how I get through my day. This is how I gain confidence for what I will have to do tomorrow.
But then this realization is not even a surprise. This day did not just happen. He has been a part of my life from the very beginning and He never left. To me, He looked like different people at different times and so I am all too mindful of being nice to strangers. If I really think hard, I can remember each time we came face to face throughout my life. I know - because it is then that I feel the sense of being protected. I hope you get it.
Words of Empowerment for the Bredren
Love comes to each of us differently. Some people know right away and some love grows from afar. With Pauline it was a most romantic story because I loved her even before our meeting point. I would see her around, long before I ever got to talk to her, so I got to really see her without infatuation clouding me. I was a secret admirer until one day I put in my approach and told her that I loved her. I did not get a positive response at first... because, you know, love comes from unknown places sometimes!
I grew up in a house with love, and so that is what I learned. If you do not provide a loving home, then you are lower than a street dog. A happy family full of love does not ever react to child-raising and family relationships with violent actions, so if it's violence you are going to use to see my family's strength then you will not see it. Pauline and I realize it is the parents' duty to gear up the children to take over in the future. In my family there is complete trust between us all. We know we can make it together. Trust is the fertilizer of love. When you ask me how to stay married 26 years like Pauline and myself, I say to respect your woman. There are many ways to show love but there is one part of love that you can never deny and that is respect. When you do not respect others, that shows me that you do not respect yourself. Respect for your woman is a sign of intelligence. Don't show yourself to be ignorant! And give her unconditional love. Pauline... she is the whole tower of strength to me! I respect her and value her ideas. Some people say that the man rules, but I say that nobody rules. Try for mutual understanding.
And never - absolutely never ever, ever fight with a woman! In that moment when anger might take over, remember nothing is so bad that you can not communicate about it verbally. And I don't mean verbal abuse, either. A disagreement is full of feelings, but remember, none of that is ever stronger than love. When you two disagree, say to her (and this is what I say to Pauline), "Darling, you have your opinion and I have mine. Let's wait and see what works out sooner than later; time will show us the easiest way out of this." Time can eliminate many problems and provide answers. And you know what? The fact is, that when a man comes to the silly conclusion he should beat a woman, he is walking with five bad friends: Use, Refuse, Abuse, Fear and Doubt. Strengthen her up, don't beat her down! Because love does not grow on that stoney ground. When you abuse your children's mother in front of them, you are teaching disrespect while earning their disrespect. If you abuse your wife behind the backs of your children, in private when they do not see, it still brings grief because she is raising up the children while in tears. A strong man does not meet trouble with violence, such as abusing the wife or children when he feels angry.
A strong man does not meet violence with violence, such as in reaction to violent men. In that heat of the moment, when your anger might take over, what can you do? If you had listened to the words of country artist Charley Pride, you would know, "You don't have to fight to be a man." Violence is Darkness in its entirety. Do not step into that pit. And listen, violence can lead to prison where there is but one bad man and it's the Warden! No matter how tough you are, in prison you are not the baddest. He is. Get in that system and then you have some fool ordering you around, and you have to call him 'Sir' - not the other way around, not ever! Usually Might cannot beat Right - except in prison - there Might always beats Right. They got the stick. I don't set myself up to be bullied around. So when those moments of anger come, just think to yourself: "How can I pack up all my freedoms and just lay them down in solitary confinement?" And then stop yourself. When it comes to the business of survival in these times, first give thanks for what you have before you get red-eyed over what you do not have, and then that which you have will grow. You get your payday from the work you do. When I was nine years old, my teachers taught me this memory gem, "I must not waste my spring of youth in idle dalliance. I must plant rich seeds to bear fruit when I am old." After all these years, I still remember those words and try to live by them.
When you begin to feel down - and this goes for anybody - just repeat the 23rd Psalm slowly. Or, even better, don't wait for that to happen, just do that regularly, three times each day. I also read the King James Bible every day, even if it is just a verse. And don't waste time reading fiction, it gets you nowhere. The best book is based on one thing - what real life and real events teaches a person. There might be a message for you to learn there. "Another man's mistake is the teacher to your beef steak!" leading you to prosperity.
Another daily habit I keep that helps me, is working in the garden. I plant my own vegetables when I can. It helps me to communicate with Jah. A little gardening is very healthy. And I smile. Make sure that you smile, it is a very healthy habit! Look towards the sun, the snow or the flowers. We can not make any of those things ourselves. No matter how big a man, ask him to make even half of one teaspoon of water, he can not. No matter how vexed the mighty lion, he still must find water to drink. Have no fear, there is something larger than any big man.
I am not much of a talker and especially I do not like to talk about me. I prefer to look at the world and to talk about the world. The peace I have inside comes from all these things. I give thanks for what I have. I listen to pleasant singing and everyday I light a big fire outside, and looking through that fire I see everything that is happening in this world. This day that we are living in now is tomorrow's yesterday and today was yesterday's future tomorrow. Each and every day is affected by the past, present and future days. That is another way we know that "what goes around, comes around." Each and every young man should have a quiet place to go away and think. Not a bar - that is not a quiet place. There you only open the door for the doctor to come in because alcohol beats down your health. Some things you must take care of yourself, where your wife or family can not help you and drugs and alcohol are some of those things. Each tub has got to sit on its own bottom. And one last thing, do not just follow what your friends do without thinking about it first. Bad habits are easy to take but hard to break! Amen.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence
of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever and Ever.
Amen.